Friday, October 17, 2014

Going Out In Joy

It has been a while since I really blogged. Truth be told, I haven't felt like it. We've had a rough month. First, we lost our referral for our daughter. Then, my grandfather passed away, and I just wanted to circle the wagons and hide from the outside. But life goes on and we're pushing forward.

This week has actually been pretty good. For the first time since we found out that we won't be picking up our little girl, I found myself looking forward to the prospect of receiving another referral. Having said that, yesterday, I found myself in a horribly bad mood. Sometimes, you can't pinpoint why you're grouchy, but yesterday I could tell you exactly why. The first reason was that I realized that we would be approaching our court date. I have no idea exactly when we would've had court, but most of the families who got their paperwork to the Bulgarian government at the same time as us are either approaching court or have had court and are thinking about travel plans. I'm not going to lie, it's not easy to know that we would've been in that group. One adoption friend stated it best when she said it has the feeling of salt in an open wound. Still I don't begrudge anyone their court dates. I celebrate for them. These kiddos need homes and families, and I'm so happy that they will be coming home soon. The second reason for my stellar mood, was that we really have no timeline for our next referral. And as is typical for me, I started worrying that it will be another year before we get one, and that just iced the cake of happiness.

Needless to say, I needed to snap out of it, but I didn't really want to. I kind of wanted to pout and wallow. But here's the deal. God doesn't call us to pout and wallow. He calls us to trust Him. I'm not saying that we're not allowed to be sad or disappointed, or we're supposed to deny our feelings. But when I sit there and obsess about the fact that we aren't going forward with this adoption and worry about when we receive another referral, I'm doing everything but trust God. We're not just called to trust God when it's easy. If we only trust Him during the good times we kind of miss the point of a relationship.

One thing that I've found that helps my mindset tremendously, if I actually apply it, is mediating on scripture. One of my favorite books in the Bible is Isaiah, and one of my favorite passages of scripture comes from the end of Isaiah 55. I encourage you to read the entire chapter when you have time, and actually, as much of the book of Isaiah as you can. It's an amazing book full of prophecy and redemption (which is really the story that God has been writing since the beginning of time). For now, I'll leave you with this:

12 “For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out with peace;
The mountains and the hills
Shall break forth into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree,
And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree;
And it shall be to the Lord for a name,
For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Farewell for Now

This morning while the sun was rising my sweet, sweet Papa went to be with Jesus. I could write a novel about what an amazing and Godly man he was. He was tenderhearted and stubborn and kind and generous, and he loved God with all his heart. Now he's healed and whole and worshipping his Savior. So while we have heavy hearts here on this earth, we know that one day, when we pass through the gates of Heaven, he'll be right there to greet us with a huge hug, and I have no doubt, that he'll be the first to usher us to the throne God. We love you Papa!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Quick Thank You

I just wanted to drop in and say thank you for every thought and prayer. This has not been an easy time for any of us, but we know that God will see us through.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Moving Forward

Today we learned we lost our daughter. For now, she is still in the orphanage where we visited her. Eventually, she will go to live with her biological parents. This is relatively rare in international adoption, but rare doesn't mean much when you're the one to which it is happening. 

Our hearts are broken. How could something that seemed so right and so meant to be fall apart so easily? What was the purpose in this? The pain is pretty overwhelming.

Yet, we know that God has a plan. He always has a plan, and His plan hasn't been thwarted. 

We will grieve. We will heal. We will forever have a daughter that never came to live in our home, but will always live in our hearts. 

We will move forward. Our adoption journey is not over. We will fight the fear and move forward and pray that we find the little girl meant to live with us here in our home in America. We will move forward, but we will never completely move on. That little girl with huge brown eyes and the longest eyelashes I've ever seen will always hold a part of our hearts. 

Please pray for all of us as we navigate these very confusing and painful waters. Say a special prayer for Andrew as he tries to comprehend what is happening. It's hard as an adult. I cannot imagine the confusion from the standpoint of a child. Please pray that God brings us a daughter that will live and grow as part of our family. We haven't given up the dream of growing our family through adoption.

We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support these past few days. We thank each and everyone of you for holding us up in prayer. 

Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Psalm 27:13 (NKJV) I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.

Romans 8:28 (NKJV)  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Those Who Are For Us Are More Than Those Against Us

We are absolutely overwhelmed by the outpouring of support we have received and in particular, for all the prayer warriors willing to go to battle for us and our daughter. It is currently a little after 2:00 a.m. on Monday morning in Bulgaria. Please continue to pray as we go into a new week. Pray for us to have favor in every situation and for the hearts of men to be turned by the hand of God. We know that there is a mighty army fighting for us. Again thank you! 

And when the servant of the man of God arose early and went out, there was an army, surrounding the city with horses and chariots. And his servant said to him, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” So he answered, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” And Elisha prayed, and said, “ LORD, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. (‭II Kings‬ ‭6‬:‭15-17‬ NKJV)